B's story
I’m a 17-year-old girl who has struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts since I was around 11/12 years old.
I’ve always been very badly bullied, and that meant I would always move school as it affected me so much. From the age of 14 until I was 15, I dated a boy who was very controlling, who cheated on me, was manipulative and also sexually assaulted and raped me. My instant release was self-harm as I blamed myself for everything. I blamed myself for the bullying and the rape.
I first found out about Self-Harm Network Scotland (SHNS) through my support with RASASH. At this point, I was 16 and still self-harming. I first started using the SHNS online Live Chat – I knew I needed help, but I was still scared to ask. Using the online chat and speaking to someone helped me every time that I felt I was about to relapse. I finally realised I needed help, and I completely wanted to stop self-harming.
I started my support session with the loveliest lady ever. She made me feel welcomed, supported and not judged. Whenever I’ve opened up to someone in the past, they have used it against me, which meant that I was very wary to opening up again.
But when I did, I felt beyond amazing.
"I knew Self-Harm Network Scotland was going to help me when I saw that their Practitioners had been through self-harm."
The support from Penumbra has been amazing, my self-confidence has gone up so much (which is something I’ve really struggled with), I haven’t relapsed in 100 days – that’s over 3 months! My attitude towards things has changed. I’m actually looking after myself which I’m not used to doing.
I actually stand up for myself now against people who are negative. I’ve never felt this happy and confident before.
I make good decisions that I know will be good for me. I don’t settle for less. I stand up for myself. I smile more. The support I received has made such an amazing difference and I’m very thankful.
Life is so much better now, thanks to Penumbra. I’m excited for my future. I’ve always been scared and I never thought I would have made it to adulthood, and I kept telling myself that. But now, I’m a qualified and insured beauty therapist; pet sitter and dog walker and I also make my own handmade jewellery.
I hope when someone reads my story that they reach out for help, or it makes them smile, or feel like they are not alone. I refused help for ages but the best thing to do is get help and be the dream person you’ve always wanted to be, because I’m finally turning into my dream person!
I knew Self-Harm Network Scotland was going to help me when I saw that their Practitioners had been through self-harm. It meant that anything I said they could relate to and give me useful information. The information they gave me actually helped; unlike some other things I’ve been told by people who haven’t been through self-harm. It meant that everything I was being told was truthful and they knew it would help me.
Thank you for sharing your story, B.
